Cut Me Some Labor Slack

ANTO COMETA

Just after I was discharged from the hospital I finished my thirteen-page (nice number isn’t it?) policy paper for my Labor Law II class (IR 207.2 – Labor Standards, Justice and Equity). It dealt with some provisions from the Philippine Labor Code as well as the country’s Constitution that need to be modified and reinforced in order to address some issues that the labor sector specifically the women workforce is currently facing. To be quite honest about it, I’m not that pleased with the output. It was rushed since it was already due and I still have to review for my final exam for that same course. Luckily, I already finished all the requirements from my other class before I was hospitalized and that’s the remaining class that I have to deal with. Anyway, I already took my final exam and just right after I forwarded my test paper to my lawyer professor - Fiscal Gerardo Sadsad I just realized that it was the end of my semester. It was indeed tedious yet exultant semester for me.

My semester has ended, and I’m getting my diploma in Industrial Relations. One more semester to go and I’ll be doing my master’s thesis which until now still undecided on the topic that I’ll be covering. For now, I’ll have a couple of weeks off from doing SOLAIR stuff. Well, not totally. I still have a planning session to attend to with the student council.

I miss writing IR-related stuff, I guess after this entry I’ll post one.

I’m Back!

ANTO COMETA

After being dead sick (literally), being confined in the hospital and spending more than fifty thousand for just three days, I’m back! That was the worst in my life so far, worse than the vehicular accident I experienced in Laguna years ago. I thought I was about to die (seriously), I was quite lucky that I had a first-rate doctor - a consultant of the hospital who took good care of me , although I have to say that his professional fee (including the hospital bill) was way above the stars. Nonetheless, he’s good. Actually, all the doctors I encountered were quite good, for some medical-work-related reason or the other (and it just reminded me of someone, a very special someone in the past).

Being confined in the hospital was not that bad, except of course for the bill. I have mulled over some life-related matter (which I would not discuss publicly) that should be addressed aptly and at the soonest possible time – ang nagagawa nga naman ng walang magawa ay kung hindi mag-isip.

There are a lot of things that I’m so grateful about and people other than my family I that I owe big time and should be given supreme appreciation, as in to the highest level (sounds like some remark of a certain female dj of a local fm station that I usually hear in the morning going to work). It just re-affirmed that indeed you guys are really for keeps no matter what.

Top 5 Things I Hate (and Love) About You

ANTO COMETA

5. You’re not sweet and appreciative. Every time I give you something it is as if you would say “I could also buy that”, and you wouldn’t even say thank you, which made me think that you wouldn’t need those that I would be giving you. So, I don’t have to give you anything.

4. You always ask me if I really love you. It pisses me off because it is as if I don’t. What do you want me to do just to make you realize that I really do? But at least I wouldn’t have to think of any other answer bundled with a justification. I’ll just say yes and we’ll cuddle.

3. You’re skeptic and paranoid most of the time particularly with what I do when we are not together. If I’ll put in Rene Descartes’ philosophical context, you’re in search of the truth. Although I know that you’re just negative about everything. At any rate, I love Descartes, one of my favorite thinkers back in my undergraduate years - Cogito, ergo sum.

2. We always argue even with the littlest thing. I could just take no notice of it so not to make things worse but it stimulates me, I have to win over the argument, it reminds me when I was part of the debate society.

1. If you’re jealous, you’re attentive with what I have to say and most of the time you would just stare at me. In those cases your eyes and head are just fixed and focused at me and not performing the exorcist thing. Made me feel so secured – the only apple of your eyes.

Nice Words to Hear

ANTO COMETA

Kahit habang buhay maghihintay ako sa ‘yo.
Asahan mong hindi magpapalit itong damdamin ko.

- Early 90’s Singing Group

Just a wishful thought which has no element of rationality. In your case just, pure words that has no sincerity. We don’t have reasons to believe each other. We have trust issues.

But you have more than I do.

Let’s talk after we have resolved those issues within ourselves. Maybe it would workout by then, maybe.

Unusually Familiar and Disturbing

ANTO COMETA

Last Saturday was a deviation from my usual after-class routine. Lanie was not feeling well so she decided to go home instead of staying and doing what we had been doing for the past couple of months, our Havana Fun – singing at a KTV establishment along Visayas Avenue and drinking while injecting some labor, society-related and personal stuff (usually gossips) as part of the conversation while Jef is sleeping. I was banking on luck that Lanie would change her mind. I asked her for one last time if she could. Unfortunately, she said she really can’t so we decided not to have our Havana Fun that night and just have our dinner.

After we had our dinner at Grill Queen along Maginhawa St. in Teachers’ Village people decided to split and have their own individual fun particularly the council’s chairperson (Mcrhon joke lang). Jab was oddly happy that night – no wonder Mcrhon uttered nadiligan ka yata kagabi kaya masaya ka noh? Jab was asking where to get a ride going home since she’s not familiar with the general area, although it’s quite weird since she’s been residing near the area for several years. Mcrhon and Jab decided to take the Philcoa route.

A week before that was quite taxing for me. The symposium I organized together with Atty Bitonio (former Usec of DOLE and Chair of NLRC) which took months was finally carried out. I’m thankful to the rest of the council for helping me on that activity although I have my share of gripe before and after its implementation because of several concerns which were not properly addressed. Nonetheless, I’m grateful that it has already ended (for those who would want to grab copies of the materials used by the speakers visit the UP SOLAIR Student Council site – www.upsolairsc.wordpress.com). I was hoping that I could "de-stress” that night but to no avail.

We went to the bus station in Cubao to drop Lanie. After we dropped her off at the terminal we went to Treehouse to meet Eumel. We have to meet him since we already talked about it that afternoon and that he said that he’ll be joining us after his class but unfortunately things didn’t go as it was suppose to be. He was not informed when people decided not to have our Saturday session, I totally forgot about it, so to be well-mannered enough I decided to meet him even if it’s just the three of us. I had my favorite “detoxi-flying drink” of course, minimal amount such as a glass serves as detox (quite healthy), more than that makes me high (very happy). Middle of the conversation, Eumel popped in a topic about break up. Of all topics that one could think of he really did inject something that I don’t like to hear, well, I guess just for that night. Actually it’s not about the break up of that couple, but he has already shared one last week. The first one he shared was so depressing and the primary reason I don’t want to hear it was because I want to remove the stress that I have accumulated over the week and a post-celebration of the symposium and not to distress myself just by listening.

Those stories he shared were quite familiar, but the unusual thing was he was so affected about those break ups to the extent that if ever he’ll see the person who wronged the aggrieved party he’ll slap and torture that individual. A considerable level of sympathy (or empathy which ever is the case) is understandable but this one is beyond the mark. At that point I was quite alarmed and troubled, not with the break up stories but with Eumel. After finishing our “healthy and wholesome” drinks we parted ways. It was a night for me… a disturbed night.

Disappointment

ANTO COMETA

It’s getting worse by the day.

You don’t have to yell. It wouldn’t help at all. I wouldn’t listen, because that’s not the way to convince me.

There are a lot of things I hate about you. You even justified those as who you are. Part of your being that you cannot live without. I cannot change those; you’ve been living with those your whole life, quite the unusual, far from my standards.

I subdued myself for this to work. I tried, I tried hard. You might have noticed that. I sacrificed, you did too. But what’s happening right now is very much troubling and we both know that.

I just try to entertain myself with things that are superficial so not to dwell on those aching feelings that I have.

I’m not trying to be righteous, nor try to persuade you that my points are far more superior to yours. There were, there are and would be sentiments and views that may be wrong, no doubt. I’m not even trying to defend my side. I’m just explaining my actions. I just want you to know where my frustrations are coming from, frustrations you consider petty.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Lifeless

ANTO COMETA

Just a couple of bottles to remove the inhibitions and to start the release of the angst …

Didn’t you notice for sometime now that the things that we’ve been doing are things that do not stir the commitment we have given to each other? The way I look at it, the way I feel it, it’s becoming a motionless relationship, the type that nears stagnation which would eventually be inert. I just don’t feel you anymore.

Are we drawn to actions that are routinary, those that are performed because we have been accustomed to? Those things which are done because they are deemed as basic requirements for this relationship to go on, without those, this commitment of ours would not be different from the others that I have – with my family, with my friends. If those things were removed, I don’t think that this relationship would be even called as the way it is defined.

Perhaps the ways that we look at a lot of things are very different. Obviously, those are. I’m trying to understand, I try to compromise, settle with what you give, settle with what you do. But give me something to believe, something concrete to hold on to because I’m on the brink of loosing my grip.

Am I asking too much?

Romance Suck(er)s!

ANTO COMETA

For a very good friend who inspired me because of what she wrote in her blog…

Would you rather not aim for something ideal or something that can make you smile every time you (would) remember episodes that are deviations from the normal routine of that someone?

Reality can be quite devastating particularly in most relationships which just end in the trash bin. Most people would rather not remember at all considering that recollections of that certain person even if it’s considered as delightful (not in the sexual connotation of the word) brings agonizing memories which would eventually set off bad vibes that could ruin the day.

For those who haven’t experienced such it is something to aim or look forward to if ever that someone would arrive. Hopefuls (or hope-fools which ever is the case) that more often than not create their own (fairy tale) scenes of passionate and romantic devotion to each other.

As for those who are just not so into those stuff since their lives revolve around themselves and how they would survive the dog-eat-dog world coupled with some tragic-paranoia-conspiracy theory views on people surrounding them, these dealings are just lavish and wasteful acts to perform.

Generally speaking, these alleged romantic actions are either done at the courtship phase or at the onset of the relationship, worse not at all – just pure engagement in lustful and sexual acts. Sometimes it also depends how the person perceives a certain action to label it as such. Romantic actions generates a certain feeling of euphoria even if it’s just for a very, very short period which is the primary reason why most people seek to come into contact with (ala meeting the ET ang dating).

Given that you are in a relationship or you would be (or wanted however fate doesn’t allow you to), would you not want to experience one or do something (for reciprocity’s sake) for that someone?

It could be something quite extraordinary or just something not far from the usual, but it boils down to making someone feel that their very special in your life even for just a moment.

Be Happy

ANTO COMETA

Do you really mean those words or just mere utterance by virtue of habit? Quite the opposite with the actions you do to the words you say.

Not sharing my thoughts most of the time doesn’t mean that I’m holding back things for my own gain. I would rather be quite about those than to start an argument which can never be settled. Both of us are just too arrogant to admit our flaws, way too proud to admit defeat. You said it yourself.

I could never blame you as to what you’ve become, how you look at things and your view on the relationship. You told me that you have been regaining your self-worth. I’m happy that you do. I know that there’s far to be mad about than those which should be cherished.

Have you recovered from those painful, heartrending memories? Those memories that are nothing more than what they were. Don’t you think that you’re just happy with the thought of being devoted to someone, affection to one which you can consider yours alone?

Very frustrating – I don’t know what to think, I don’t want to speculate.

For whatever its worth, be happy. There’s no other way but to be.

Uncertainty 3

ANTO COMETA

Why?

It’s been over five months.

You said that I have a choice, but you know that I already made one. If you meant was for me to change what I have decided on, that’s quite far from what I have in mind. Apparently, I’m not making another one, but to understand why I made it in the first place.

It wasn’t really an easy kind of thing to do to think that the web of complications surrounding the whole situation combined with a lot of apprehension from my end and as well as yours could only tell instability or vagueness from start to finish. It was indeed a wrong start. I couldn’t blame you if you have been stained by negativity and cynicism. But it doesn’t mean that you have the right reasons for such conclusions.

There were a lot of contradictions I’ve made, perhaps this one is another. The whole scheme of things is just something I don’t fully discern. I’m not also sure if you understand my predicament and the feelings I have right now and the things that I’ve been frequently thinking about.

It’s been a while that I have noticed that you were drifting away. Sudden changes on your behavior have been surfacing. I don’t want to think about it since I don’t want to pass judgment on those actions. But why do you go on? Why do I persist? Is it really the thing we’ve been telling each other or is just the yearning for forged romanticism?

Let me know if you have your answer.